Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Learned My Lesson

I had a very humbling moment last night. I'm not even sure if humbling is the right word to describe it, but it was one of those times where you all of a sudden see yourself and your friends in a different light. A year ago this conversation would not have gone the way it did and that's ok, but it was different yesterday for a reason.

We get so caught up in the past and history and things that once seemed life ending that we forget how much we've grown and how far we've come from that point. I didn't see it until now.

I didn't give my best friend the credit she deserved, I didn't give her the benefit of the doubt that yes maybe she just did want me to be happy. Drama and scandals and gossip have surrounded my young adulthood and I couldn't open my eyes wide enough to see that we're past all that.

I sat across from her with an open heart for the first time in a long time and thought I would lose her. I was stupid to think that she would go anywhere. She's been there for me through everything and believe me I didn't have the typical problems that teenagers go through...but she never ran like so many others before her did.

I wish that I had realized we were grown ups a long time before I knew it, but maybe I wasn't ready to see it then.

Funny how life works sometimes.

As the words fell from my lips I knew that I had done the right thing. The last thing I have ever wanted was to hurt her, but keeping things hidden just makes it worse in the end.

Thank you for being such an amazing person. I don't deserve you in my life. I just wish I had been stronger to come to you earlier...

before i lost it, before i gave up on something,before i hurt him

I love you.

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