New Years Resolution -> Don't be so RECKLESS with your body...

So I would love to say that I took my own advice and tried to take it easy on my body this year....but that just wouldn't be me. Ever since I was a little girl I would always throw myself into things 250%, especially anything physical. I hated not being good at something and would push and push and push myself to get better with literally no fear. And I mean that. I mean no fear as in no fear of getting hurt or not being able to do something. My parents still tell me stories about how I used to throw myself down the ski hill when I was little or never ever hold myself back on the mat or in the gym. I apparently terrified my mom. Can you imagine a mother watching her kid be so competitive and fearless? I'm pretty sure it would terrify me actually. I guess it's just part of my charm as my best friend put it yesterday. I was telling her last night exactly what I've done to myself now and she wasn't even surprised. When I hurt myself it's all or nothing. It's either the worst case scenario or the best...no middle ground. So this time was no different...

I was up north having a very fun weekend with twelve lovely ladies and I really wanted to try some skiing. I had the time of my life snowboarding the week before so I really wanted to ski. Unfortunately, skiing definitely didn't like me. It was the most embarrassing and painful experience of my life! Not only was I completely hopeless at it, but had the most brutal falls. I mean those types of falls where your hat and goggles and poles go flying....your body gets thrown down the hill....skis pop off...it was a disaster. But I have to say that even though it was painful and frustrating, I kept going. I was actually getting the hang of it and managed to make it down a blue diamond (whatever that means) without falling once! So we decided to do one last run to finish off the day and that's when I think my luck really turned on me...

To make a very long and painful story short...I caught a very bad icy edge fell very very hard as I was going ridiculously fast (too fast) and my skis didn't pop off. So my body went tumbling one way and my skis (still on) got caught and just twisted my right knee. I heard that horrible snapping sound when you know you just tore a ligament. Even before I fell I knew it was bad. My whole leg was on fire and I wasn't even going to try and move it. So paramedics had to come and snowmobile me down to the bottom, which was the most embarrassing thing ever, and we had to immediately get me to a hospital. I ended up on crutches and a lot of painkillers. It's the first time I was ever on crutches and I hate them. They make you feel like you are absolutely helpless. I couldn't even get a glass of water for myself and bring it to where I was resting. It was brutal. I'm off them now but have a very long recovery to go...but I know I can handle it....serves me right for trying to have a little fun with my newfound freedom...

Moral of the story... NO TRAINING = TROUBLE :)

Heartless

I don't know why, but there's this new Kanye West song that I absolutely love. There's something about the lyrics that just get to me. It's just not something you hear a guy admitting every day. Most guys I know would never ever let anyone know that a girl actually hurt them. Those kinds of stories are so personal and so emotional that, speaking from my own personal experience, it's usually girls who are way more open about it. I am a firm believer that guys are so damn concerned with their male ego that they don't even want to acknowledge the possibility that a girl could have an actual effect on them. Call me crazy or let's just say I've seen this happen all too many times up close and personally, but why do they think they're less of a man if they've had their heart broken? Why is it so unnatural or so impossible to think that women have the same power over men that they do over us?

In the night I hear them talk
The coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul to a women so heartless
How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so cold as the winter wind when it breezes
Just remember that you're talking to me though
You need to watch the way you're talking to me
I mean after all the things that we've been through
I mean after all the things we got into

I know of some things you aint told me
I did some things but that's the old me
And now you want to get me back and you're going to show me
So you walk around like you don't know me
You got a new friend, well I got homies
But in the end, it's still so lonely

In the night I hear them talk
The coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul to a women so heartless
How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so Dr Evil, you're bringing out a side of me that I don't know
I decided that we weren't going to speak so why we up at 3am on the phone
Why does she be so mad at me for?
I don't know, she's so hot and cold
I won't stop, I won't mess my groove up cause I already know how this thing goes
You run and tell your friends that you're leaving me
They say they don't see what you see in me
You wait a couple of months then you're going to see, you'll never find nobody better than me

Talking Talking Talking
Baby let's just knock it off
They don't know what we've been through
They don't know about me and you
So I got something new to see and you're just going to keep hating me
And we're just going to be enemies
I know you can't believe it
I could just leave it wrong and you can't make it right
I'm going to take off tonight into the night

In the night I hear them talk
The coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul to a women so heartless
How could you be so heartless?



I love his honesty, it's so refreshing. I can admit that I've been heartless before, but heart broken too. One is definitely not easier than the other and always involves someone getting hurt. There's no way around it. For those people that think they can get in and out of relationships without hurting someone or being able to take responsibility for that, I would simply call them naive. It happens. Hurt Happens. Life happens.

I guess the question is would you rather be HEARTLESS or HEART BROKEN?

Happy New Years!!!

I still can't believe 2008 is over and it's actually 2009! HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYBODY!



It's definitely that time of year where you reflect on the past and look ahead to the future and figure out what you really want in your life. That's what I love about resolutions. They really show you exactly where you are and what kind of person you've become and want to be....

My one very big new years resolution is to not care so much about what others think about me and stay as far away from drama as I possibly can....

I know it might sound like a weird resolution, but I constantly find myself in situations that people wouldn't even believe. I am put in the middle of friends, the middle of rumors (horrible ones at times) and the middle of things I definitely don't want any part of. I really just want this year to be DRAMA FREE! That is a big thing to hope for, but I'm going to try my very best to have a fresh start. I want to pull away from those who bring me down and surround myself with the real people who care about me. Sometimes I think when I put all my energy into making everyone else around me happy or not mad at me, it ends up backfiring. My best friends like to tell me I'm too nice in situations and walk right into trouble. Don't get me wrong, for those of you who know me I know I am extremely confident, independent and confrontational BUT what I think they mean is that I really don't want to start any trouble at all. The problem has and always will be that I won't back down to anyone who is talking behind my back and I will defend myself and my friends no matter what. You can see how that might cause some issues....

What I don't understand is that I'm 21, in my fourth year at University, and I still feel like I'm back in high school sometimes. It is just such a waste of time for everyone involved. It's crazy how rumors can get so out of hand and blown out of proportion that people you thought you could trust and who were your friends actually believe it. I just found out that that is exactly what's been going on with a few people I know back in Toronto recently. I was pretty upset about it, but I woke up today and realized that there's nothing else I can do. I know what I know and I can sleep at night knowing that I've been honest with everyone, but I can't change everyone's mind or opinion. I came to terms with the fact that people are going to judge me on preconceived assumptions and false accusations, but that happens all the time and I have to let it roll off my back. I've realized that life is never going to be perfect and not everyone is going to like me or my actions, but that's life. If you live every day worrying about what is making other people happy you won't be happy and I definitely want to be happy. I am putting anything negative from the last year behind me and moving forward into this new year and can't even imagine where I'm going to end up.

What's your new years resolution?

SNOWBOARDING

Once upon a time before I had extreme responsibilities to not get injured in some reckless way I used to ski! I wish I had a picture of my sister and I back then because we were absolutely hilarious. The last time I was out on the slopes was about 12 years ago. My family used to go up north a lot and my dad, sister and I loved it. My mom hated being cold (still does) and was more than happy to sit in the chalet by the fireplace all day while we were flying down the hills. One of the things I had to give up for gymnastics was skiing. At the time I was more than happy to because I knew I couldn't risk getting hurt, but for the first time in my life I could be out there again. I've been talking and talking and talking about getting back into it for awhile now, but didn't really know were to start. Enter Brianna :)

Brianna is one of my best friends from high school, who has always been there for me. She is one of those friends that you can go to with anything and she would never judge you. I've leaned on her shoulders many times and vented about training, family, boys...you name it. We rarely get to see each other now that we're at different Universities, but over winter holidays she just called me up and told me to get myself up to her cabin. It was a pretty spontaneous decision and I literally drove up to Collingwood for not even 24 hours to get a crash course in...you guessed it...SNOWBOARDING!!! Her family took me in and gave me all the equipment necessary so I didn't kill myself (well I think they were keeping their fingers crossed) and we were off!

Once I was actually at the top of the hill, which was let me tell you the funniest experience of my life getting there, I found out it was even more difficult to stand up once I was strapped in. For all of you who have never snowboarded before, trying to walk with one boot strapped in and your foot awkwardly turned in while you're trying to slide/walk to the lift is the most hilarious experience EVER. I'm laughing thinking about how ridiculous I must've looked. Anyways, I somehow got that whole part down and once I was actually up and standing I turned to what just felt natural and took off down the hill. Brianna had given me some tips before I actually took off, but do you think I actually listened to her? Let's just say that I took some very hard falls, but I LOVE the speed and with Brianna helping me out and figuring out why I was falling I was actually snowboarding! I have never felt anything like that before in my life. I can't even describe it. Flying down that hill gave me this insane adrenaline that coursed through me. It was unbelievable and I can honestly say I've fallen in love. I haven't been that happy like that since over a year ago and I owe it all to Brianna and her amazingly generous family!!! What do you think? My next sport maybe?

A New Life

After the Olympics, I honestly didn't think I would ever use my blog again. I basically made it only to write about my prep for Beijing and to let my friends and family know where I was and what I was going through. When I officially retired I didn't really think there was any point to have it anymore. I still hate saying I retired...I don't think I'm ready to be ok with the idea that I might never compete ever again. I know that I needed to take this year for myself and I would never regret or doubt that decision. It was very clear that my body and mind needed a break from the sport. The injuries alone from the last year and a half plus the pressure I was putting on myself definitely took its toll. It's just weird to say that I retired at 21. I would by lying if I said I didn't miss it. Deep down I loved to train, even when it was taking 40 hours out of my week. There were always good and bad weeks, but it felt so good to be doing something that I loved and that I was good at. It sounds horrible to say that, but it's hard to explain. I guess knowing that you have this crazy confidence when you're in one place and being one person is exhilarating. It's comfortable...it's so safe. Now that I don't spend hours and hours in the gym, I'm thrown into this world where I have to find that feeling somewhere else. It's kind of like finding myself again.

The Toronto Star recently put out this article below and I think it sums up exactly where I am right now...

http://www.thestar.com/News/article/561349

I can't wait to see where I'm going to end up this year....I have a feeling 2009 is going to be a good one....

OPENING CEREMONIES

I have to give a little shout out to SCOTT in the Canadian clinic here at the 08 Beijing Games!!!!

Here's that blog I promised you :) 

Ever since I was a little girl my favorite part of every Olympics was getting to watch the Opening Ceremonies. I would always wake up or stay up to watch the entire thing live no matter what. There's just something about it that's so hard to describe. It's a celebration of years of hard work, dedication, passion and commitment. Honestly, it's what dreams are made of. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true. Thousands of the best athletes from around the world in one place, at one time....pretty incredible. The feeling in the village before it all started was electrifying. Everyone was so pumped up, so ready to go and just so excited. I don't think I have ever looked forward to something more in my life. This time I wasn't sitting at home watching from my couch, but stepping out onto that track in front of millions of people! I can't even tell you how many times I've watched Canada march into the stadium and imagined myself there one day. It was hard to believe that I was actually going to be one of them. As I put on our Opening Ceremonies outfit, I glanced at myself in the mirror and have never been more proud to be Canadian. 

Now that it's over it felt like it went by so fast, but in the moment it felt like it would never end. We all got ushered on to these huge buses that took us to the Gymnastics facility where all the countries were filing in to the arena one by one. It was a really long, hot process, but still fun to wait with the whole team. I was so anxious for it to get started I couldn't keep still. I don't think I actually sat down to wait once. I was taking pictures and finding friends from other sports to keep me company. It was kind of cool that we were number 62 to march out this time because Canada in Mandarin characters is extremely different from alphabetical order in english. I thought that was really interesting. It definitely felt like it was hours from when we left the arena until we entered the stadium for the big show. All the countries had to walk outside towards the eggs nest and the sights and sounds coming from the stadium were out of this world. The fireworks display alone was unbelievable. Even though we didn't get to see much of what was going on inside,  I wouldn't change the experience for anything. I nearly broke into tears as we were in the tunnel about two minutes away from finally breaking out on to the track and Team Canada started to sing the national anthem. I had pushed my way to the front of the line right behind our flag bearer and could see the entire team behind me singing. There really aren't enough words to describe it. 

The actual walk in was unreal. The entire crowd was lit up with cameras. You could see clusters of Canadian cheering sections and our flags waving from the stands. There were just so many people everywhere you turned overjoyed in the moment. It was really beautiful. For a little while it felt like the world was finally at peace. Here we were in China during one of the most political Olympics in the history of the Games and millions of people were coming together in harmony to celebrate sport. It wasn't about medals or performance or even your own country. It was something bigger than all of that. I didn't want it to end. If it was up to me I would've circled that track forever. Once we were all ushered into the center of the stadium, all the countries were mixing together and anxiously waiting to see the Olympic Torch to be lit. That had to be my favorite moment of the night. The Games were officially beginning now. I remember standing there looking up at the flame and just thinking, here we go! It's exciting, nerve racking and surreal. 

LET THE GAMES BEGIN

WELCOME TO BEIJING

I am finally here!!!! After all the years of working and waiting for this moment, it's actually happening. It is the craziest thing. I feel like I'm living in a dream right now. Every morning when I look out my 7th floor window over looking the heart of the Olympic Village, I want to pinch myself to make sure I'm actually awake. Am I really here?! I'll be walking to get breakfast or hanging out in the athletes lounge and I'll just have a moment where I realize all over again that I am at the Olympics! It is definitely not a dream. 

When we arrived in Beijing and walked out of the airport we were hit hard with the hot, humid air. The smog wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I was more surprised with the temperature. It was boiling! I don't think I will ever complain about the air conditioning being too high in my house ever again. I seriously have a new found appreciation for it. Before we became too uncomfortable in the humidity we were whisked away in a private car to the Olympic Village, where from there the heat was a distant memory. It was the most surreal feeling driving in the Olympic lane through Beijing passing all the new facilities, the stadium and Olympic flags everywhere. When we pulled up to the Village, the COC mission staff were there to get us to our rooms as easily and quickly as possible. I recognize so many of them from the Pan American and Commonwealth Games. It's so great to see familiar faces and share this excitement with so many amazing people. It really is something special. 

I could go on and on and on about the Olympic Village and it still wouldn't do it justice. I can hardly find words to explain it. It's basically a mini city in the heart of Beijing. We all live in condo's that have gardens, parks and ponds separating them. There is never nothing to do. The athletes lounge is the most relaxing place in the Canadian section where we can all just go and chill. You meet new people every day and everyone is so friendly. I already signed up for tickets to go watch water polo, swimming and gymnastics. I'm trying to do as much as I can to soak up this amazing experience. It's hard for me to sometimes just go back and sit in my room because I want to be doing something every minute of every day! I don't want to waste any time here, this is what I've been waiting for my whole life. Tomorrow I think some of us are going to have a little Dance Dance Revolution competition in the international athletes building. It's a great way to just unwind and relax after a long day of training or a stressful competition day. So far the village has more than lived up to my expectations. I'm sorry I can't explain it better. When I upload my pictures I will definitely be posting them for all of you to see first hand. Come to think about it I'm going to go and explore a little bit. The village is so huge I have hardly seen half of it! Bye for now :)